This Friday marks 14 years since our sweet little Micah went to be with Jesus. Yesterday, as I was talking on the phone with a friend, she said, “How do you even say that? How do you even think about it? How do you even deal with the fact that she is dead?” “Well,” I said, “I rest in the fact that I know she is sitting at Jesus’ Feet and praising Him and laughing with Him.” Then she asked me how I could be so sure that she was in Heaven. My answer was, “Because God tells me she is”.
After hanging up I thought about the fact that that is my rote answer I give everyone, and they probably think it is just that…a rote answer. So I began to think about how I actually deal with the fact that I have a child in Heaven and how it is “OK”.
And as I ponder on this question, I remember the transfiguration scene in the Bible, and how both Moses and Elijah appeared to be in possession of new bodies; for it says in the Word of God that the disciples saw and recognized both of them. Moses and Elijah evidently also had minds that could think and voices that could talk. (Matthew 17:3)
So, I began to think about where she is and what she is doing in a different light. I had always pictured her in little angel wings and a white gown, waiting at the gates for her mommy. But, as I have been reminded by my loving husband on many occasions, relationships that we have here on earth will not be the same when we get to Heaven…yet, I can’t help but think of Micah as a little blond haired blue eyed girl with a bald head having the time of her life in Heaven praising God.
You see, early on in my grief I didn’t trust in the Lord the way I do now. Secretly I blamed Him for taking her. After all, it was His fault; His choice to take her home.
However, as I developed a relationship with Jesus, and started REALLY studying the Bible, I noticed just how little Jesus spoke to His disciples about the specifics of life after death. Yet one truth stood out over and over again: Jesus declared that after we die, we shall be with Him. To the thief on the cross, He said, “Today you shall be with Me in paradise.” To His disciples Jesus said, “I will come back and take you to be with Me, that you also may be where I am” (John 14:3). No sooner are we “absent from the body” than we are “present with the Lord.” The transition is immediate and conscious.
The Bible says nothing about our “age” when we are resurrected, possibly because time and age as we know them in this world will be so vastly different in Heaven. Will we know each other? Although we have no clear-cut statement in Scripture, it says that we will all be as brothers and sisters in Christ. However, the most significant aspect is that we shall know God more fully than ever, for we shall know Him “face to face.”
Thus, as months, and now years have passed after Micah’s death, I found my soul quickened again to a living hope. My faith has grown stronger. My self discipline has grown more stable.
And so now I rejoice in the fact that Micah IS in Heaven. She IS praising God. She IS as beautiful as God intended her to be. I learned a lot from that little girl in those five precious years that she graced us with her presence. And, I am able to see now what I couldn’t see 14 years ago; and I finally understand what it was this little girl was here to teach me. I only hope and pray that I can make that kind of an impact on just one person’s life while I am here on earth. If I could accomplish that, I believe it would have all been worth it. My sincerest desire is to tell people what Micah was able to show to so many–about Who and what God was–and to be able to show that to others, my friends, would be the greatest joy in my life.
So this Friday I will not be grieving about the fact that I don’t have my daughter here with me; but I will be celebrating the fact that she has had the opportunity to know God more intimately than any of us here on Earth could ever know Him…and I will rejoice in the fact that I KNOW I will see her again someday.