This week and last has been a hectic week with Ima having surgery on her wrist and going back and forth to Columbia. Then Dr. appointments and the opportunity to sing a wonderful song “Life’s Railway to Heaven” for a dear old friend’s funeral, this week, It seems I have had no time (as usual) to do much of anything much less write in my blog. I know, Cindy, I know…. I never call, I never write, and I don’t post in my blog. LOL. So here I am posting about a feeling I have had over the course of being a mom and explaining how I have come to grips with it.
I have fond memories of living at home with my mom and sharing responsibilities with her of house cleaning and laundry, and cooking. I did most of household chores because it was the only way I could show my mom how much I appreciated how hard she worked to put me through school after my parents divorce.
I have said to my children on more than one occasion…”I am your mother, not your slave”. Before having children, I did not acknowledge my self-centeredness. After all, I did nice things for my mom, my friends, helped my co-workers with their struggles, volunteered at church. But any serving I did was because I chose to serve at a time that was convenient for me. When my children were born my ability to chose what I wanted died. I became an on call servant whether I liked it or not. I spent most of my time stomping around the house hollering “I am your mother, not your slave” or “I am your wife not your slave”. They ignored my complaints but I recently found out that God was listening all the time. Every time I would ask the question…the answer from God came…”yes”.
When asked what I wanted to be when I grew up I never said things like “I want to be a servant”, or” I want to serve people”. Jesus tells us that we should all want to be servants. In Mark 9:35 it says “If anyone wants to be first, he must be the very last, and the servant of all”. Some days it is hard to be a servant. The servant in me wants to say, “go ahead honey, you need to study. I will keep the children quiet so you can do that”. But the sinful nature in me wants to say, “What do you mean, you need it quiet to study? All week you go to a clean, quiet office, while I am stuck in a messy house with loud, demanding children. I’m the one who needs some quiet time!”
The solution? Galatians 2:20 says “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.” When I am unable to let the servant in me serve, I let the Jesus in me take over. When I have taught Kelsey all day and one of the other kids come home and immediately need help with homework, I let the Jesus in me do math. When Catlynn is screaming for food and I have not had time to eat breakfast or lunch, I let the Jesus in my fix her something to eat. When Richard tells me he needs to study when he gets home, I let the Jesus in me make sure his desk is clean so he can get to it.
Jesus’ life was a life of service. “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve” (Mark 10:25). He gave his life for all who would trust and believe in Him. He didn’t demand the things He deserved. He often postponed His personal desires so He could minister to others. I have much to learn about being a servant. Daily I pray and ask God to help me with this. Daily I seek His wisdom and ask Him to help me die to self and live for others, to serve my family as He has served me. As I pray, I discover that God is not only doing something through me, He is doing something in me. He is teaching me to be more like Jesus.
I want to do something very special for my husband tonight. I hope he doesn’t read this before he comes home. I am going to wash his feet for him. Washing the feet of His disciples was one of the last things Jesus did to show service to them. Richard and I have done this at a service at church for Maundy Thursday celebration. It is a very humbling experience and portrays my feelings of love for him and the desire to be obedient to God, and the submissiveness to my husband that he deserves.
So I want to say thank you to my husband and my children. If it weren’t for you, I am not sure I would ever have learned what it truly means to put others before myself.
“Be very careful to keep the commandments and the law that Moses the servant of the Lord gave you: to love the Lord your God, to walk in all His ways, to obey His commands, to hold fast to Him and to serve Him with all your heart and all your soul.” Joshua 22:5
In Christ’s love.