An Elephant In The Room

41/365 days of blogging

Those of you that know me well know that I lost a child to the terrible disease of cancer.  She was only 5 years old and it was a little over 19 years ago.  If you don’t know the whole story, which I will not bore you with again here) go here to read a little about it.  I have never really wrote a post about her death partially because it would be soooooo long and partially because I no longer focus on her death but on her life instead.

So about the elephant.  I ran across this poem in my desk a while back and wanted to share it.  So many times people call me and say “my friend just lost her child can you tell me what to say to them”.  I don’t have the answers but mostly I can tell you what NOT to say and what will NOT help.  After the death of a loved one, people flock to make sure you are all right and that you don’t need anything.  After about 3-4 weeks that attention stops.  Now I am not saying that people who are dealing with grief need attention like catering to all the time.  What I am saying is that when the attention stops, that is when the shock value sinks in and you are left virtually alone to deal with your grief.  People stop coming by, stop bringing food, stop calling and literally get back to thier own lives.  Then after a few weeks when they do find time to stop by or call they don’t even mention the loved one that has passed.  That is what this poem talks about.

There’s an elephant in the room.
It is large and squatting, so it is hard to get around it.
Yet we squeeze by with ,
“How are you?” and, “I’m fine”…
And a thousand other forms of trivial chatter.
We talk about the weather.
We talk about work.
We talk about everything else –
except the elephant in the room.
There’s an elephant in the room.
We all know it is there.
We are thinking about the elephant
as we talk.
It is constantly on our minds,
Fro you see, it is a very big elephant.
But we do not talk about the
elephant in the room.
Oh, please, say her name.
Oh, please say “Micah” again.
Oh, please, let’s talk about her death,
or better yet, perhaps we could talk about her life.
Can I say “Micah” and not have you look away?
For if I cannot, you are leaving me
in a room…
With an elephant.

If you know someone grieving, please give them a call and let them know you care by just letting them talk about their loved one.  Let them tell you how they feel without them having to deal with your grief about the situation.  Tell them they are loved by Jesus and that he is holding their loved one in His arms and they are praising God!  I envy Micah!  I would not take her back from Heaven for nothing.  She is finally healthy, and living in peace.


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