42/365 days of blogging

Yesterdays post inspired me to write about a subject I haven’t written about in all the years I have had this blog. (ok it has only been 6) I have not written about it, not because it is a taboo subject in my life, or even because it is too painful.  I haven’t written about it because it is a long story and I try not to write posts that seem to go on and on.  So I have decided to write about my daughter Micah and put it in sort of chapters here on my blog.  I have always wanted to write a book about her life, but just haven’t seemed to know how or where to begin.  Yesterday’s post inspired this beginning of her story, maybe it will inspire the book I have dreamed of writing for almost 19 years.

So here goes….

When I was a little girl people would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up.  I never dreamed of being a nurse, firefighter, hair dresser, or anything other normal things little girls dream of.  When I was little I wanted to grow up and be a mommy.  I had my heart set on it and knew that is what I was meant to be.  God had other plans.

I turned 18 on the 23rd day of January, graduated on the 24 day of May, got married on th3 4th day of June…all in the same year.  Ironically, the person I married was not the love of my life.  I got married because I wanted to be able to get out of my mom’s house, (who was a single mom) so she didn’t have to worry about me any longer.  I also was hurting because the love of my life had moved away and I thought I would never see him again, so I settled.  You see I wanted to be a mommy so bad I was willing to compromise God’s plan for my life just to make that happen.

I tried for almost 5 years to have a child.  Finally one day I heard those words from the doctor that I was going to have a child.  I was ecstatic! After having 6 miscarriages though I was very optimistic that it would happen so I tried not to be to excited.  But as every time before I couldn’t help but think that God had somehow altered His plan for my life and was going to allow me to have a child.  32 weeks later, when I gave birth to the first of three girls, I couldn’t have been happier.  It didn’t matter that I was unhappy with my relationship.  I finally had what I had prayed for.  God had finally given me a child.  The day we went home from the hospital, I told the nurse that I thought I wasn’t doing something right while nursing her that she didn’t seem to be breathing right.  The nurse said it was because I was a new nursing mom and it would take some time for us both to learn the process.  I accepted that and agreed to give it some time and call the La Leche League the beginning of the week for some advice if I still had concerns.

Monday rolled around and she still didn’t seem to be latching on correctly, not to mention it was very painful for me and seemed to wear her out while it seemed that she wasn’t getting much milk at all.  I called them and they came to the house and showed me some little tricks and Micah seemed to catch on quickly as did I and it seemed to go a bit more smoothly.  Several days passed and we were both back to the same troubles.  I called the doctor and told him I thought there was something wrong with her and he said if you feel that strong about it bring her in and I will take a look.  I took her in that afternoon and showed him what was happening while she was nursing and he said she was gaining weight so I had nothing to worry about and I just needed to calm down and let nature take its course and eventually he AND I would catch on.

Over the course of the next 3 weeks, I made 17 phone calls and 3 more appointment visits to our family practitioner and each time he told me that I was a panicky new mom and had nothing to worry about.  I went home that afternoon very frustrated and opened the yellow pages and literally closed my eyes on a page full of pediatritans and pointed.  I called the first one my finger found.  I don’t even remember his name now but he had an opening that very day and said to bring her in.

When I arrived at his office there was no one in the waiting room and he saw us right away.  He was very concerned with her breathing and looked in her mouth.  He said she had a VERY enflamed and said she had an infection in her glands and gave us an antibiotic.  AT LAST!  I had an answer.  Someone finally believed me that there was a problem.  He told us to take her home and let him know if her breathing pattern changed at all.

That night I put her to bed in her baby bed for the first time.  Her room was next to mine, (with a bathroom in between), and it was the first time I had put her in her bed, in her own room.  I put her to sleep on her tummy and retired to my bed for a hopeful good nights sleep.  The next morning I awoke at 6:00 am thinking “praise God I have a 5 week old baby that already sleeps through the night.”  I went to the bathroom, walked into her room and switched on the light beside her bed.  When I turned to look at her she was laying on her back, eyes wide open, gasping for breath.  Later when I got to the hospital I learned she was only getting air into her lungs only about 5 times per minute.

I picked her up and she immediately let out a cry and started breathing normally.  What a sigh of relief.  I immediately called the Dr. we had seen the day before and tole him what had happened and he said “how far are you from Children’s Mercy?”  I said only about 5 mintues.  He said “go now.  don’t ask any questions, don’t call 911, just take her to the ER now!”

Part 2 of Micah’s story tomorrow.



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